laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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