yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
