Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You left your underwear on the fireplace
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
