she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
