I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
