And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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