So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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