Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
