In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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