I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
