have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
