Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
