I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
