WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I need a burrito and a hug.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
