Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
time to smoke my breakfast
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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