just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I have aggressive nipples.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
