Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
