He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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