i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
