Please, let me fuck your mom
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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