I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
