I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
