It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
