Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
