It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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