so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
