My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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