Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
