a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
