it's like iHOP with fire
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
