he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
