I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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