I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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