Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
