The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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