She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
