he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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