he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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