My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I wear drunk well.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
