I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My liver just broke up with me...
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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