All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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