ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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