Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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