it was like his penis was on wheels.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
