I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
