Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
