Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
