Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
