Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
