two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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