Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
