Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
