he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
