Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
