i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
